Category Archives: TV

Friday Night Lights: Where Have the Dillon Panthers Been All My Life?


My girlfriend and I recently got into Friday Night Lights at the behest of her brother-in-law and a few critics who put it right up there with Lost as an all-time major network TV show. As we finish season 4 on Netflix I’m truly amazed that I didn’t get into this thing earlier, especially when I have the movie practically memorized and loved the book. It’s an amazing mixture of drama, intermittent comedy, good looking people everywhere and some of the best acting ever on network television. I’m not kidding, there have been maybe two duds in the whole thing, and Minka Kelly makes up for it by being hot enough to land Derek Jeter (like, forever). We at Neighborhood Halfwits can forgive such things. Also, they didn’t try to perfectly mirror the book or movie (great stories), but took it in a great direction anyway. Still, as awesome as the show is, here are a few nit-picky random thoughts to kick this thing off (major SPOILER ALERT here):

Minka Kelly everyone...yeah.

  • Minka Kelly is 30, which means she was 25 when filming of the show began. Does this shock anyone else? I thought for sure Derek Jeter was semi-robbing the cradle with his move to monogamy, but I guess its not so surprising when you consider that Zack Gilford (who played my personal hero Matt Saracen on the show) is only two years younger than Kelly. He’s now playing a doctor on “Off the Map”…huh? One last age related question: Are Season 3 Minka and Taylor Keistch officially the oldest high school couple in television history? Somebody prove me wrong.
  • Can I get a blowout win please? I’m pretty sure that if you factor in a few season 4 blowout losses, Coach Taylor’s 4 year head coaching record would have a total point differential in the negatives. This is with two Texas 5A state finals appearances (and three state playoff appearances), less than 10 total losses, and one ring under his belt. There’s no way this is plausible.

The Man...who cant win by more than 3 points...but is still The Man.

  • In that same vein; Coach Taylor = Mandy ReCarthy (Mike McCarthy and Andy Reed you know, in case you’ve never watched the NFL). There is no way his clock management skills should be that bad.
  • Anyone else notice that the TMU field blatantly had Texas State painted in the end zone during season 2? I’m not asking for a different paint job but it was 2007. Are you telling me there wasn’t film editing technology available to gloss over this?
  • I’m guessing Season 2 was tough to get a consistent story line out of because of the writer’s strike. With that said, I’ll excuse the TV season ending 3 games before the state playoffs, the completely forgotten Santiago story line and Street’s tatted up love interest completely falling off the radar. Still, that doesn’t excuse the fact that Landry was able to kill a guy, admit to it and then have everyone outside of him and Tyra act like nothing happened when the charges were dropped. Are you telling me news of this didn’t at least get out to the high school? As Tyra says repeatedly, “this is a small town,” so people would’ve known. Landry’s dad also blatantly tampered with evidence by torching the station wagon. Even the LAPD would’ve suspended him without pay for a couple of hours.

"I killed a guy while I was in high school, but it was glossed over because of a writers strike...nbd"

  • Trust me when I say this, the Texas 5A state championship game is the pinnacle of high school football. It’s the deepest talent pool in the most fanatical football region in the country. If California held actual state championships (they’re divided into some weird division format thing, look it up) it might contend for second place with Florida, but Texas stands alone. So lastly, how many coaches have been fired the year after making an appearance in the biggest game possible in their respective level of a sport? Start listing, because I’m pretty sure Coach Taylor is one of the very few.

Id trust him with the lives of my family and pretty much anything else...just not the liquor cabinet.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am in love with this show. But I wouldn’t be a true blogger, modern day American and Generation Y’er without picking at least some pieces of it apart. Regardless, you need to watch this show. Season 5, which is somehow the last one (this when Two and A Half Men is somehow in roughly its 236th season) airs tomorrow night (Friday, April 15th) at 8 p.m. on NBC. That last part explains why the ratings are so low, but maybe if we all band together and watch the crap out of this thing they’ll bring them all back together for another go. A guy can hope…right?

One more time...

That’s all for now folks. Tune in next time for: “Kobe Bryant got fined $100,000 for being a homophobe…why am I supposed to be surprised?,” “Kevin Durant has two scoring titles in 4 years in the NBA…He was the first freshman to win POY in college…He’s been the catalyst to turn around the OKC franchise…Remind me again why Rick Barnes is still allowed to coach anything?,” “Pedro Feliciano was just publicly compared to post-injury Chien-Ming Wang, and it may actually be an insult to post injury Chien-Ming Wang…s***.”

OH SNAP


Bad Girls Onlyzzzz!!!!OMFGROFL

I’ve finished a marathon.  I’m exhausted, sweat still pouring from my forehead.  I’m not sure I’ve ever been this tired before yet I don’t sit still.  It was long and as much of a trial as I anticipated and I’ve emerged from the other side a stronger person.  Years of training have brought me here.  I just watched three full episodes of Bad Girls Club.

I’d like to remind anyone who reads this blog that I am a 23 year old male who loves any sport that involves a ball and wears a Carhartt.  I know how to start a fire and could fix your flat tire (rhyming unintended) and here I am! Check me out world, I’m neck deep in name-calling and inadvertent nip-slips. But I’ve picked out some magic amidst the makeup.

The brilliance in the show is exactly what differs it from every other reality multi-casted show out there; these girls embrace their characters on the show.  There’s no villain here, no girls next-door.  There’s no “mother figure” and no class clown.  Only bad girls allowed, and there’s no apologizing for it.

"I'd like to take this time to expound on the events unfolding in Libya..." is not what she said.

A catch phrase like “play with it and rotate” could never be said by anyone unless they had 100% confidence in what they were saying.  If “play with it and rotate it” came out in any conversation that didn’t revolve around an automobile, I’d probably take a play off.  Enter Char.  She doesn’t sit down for anyone, I mean no one.  She is the self proclaimed boss of the LA mansion and the bad girls that reside within. A seasoned-vet of chick fights, Char has become the inevitable chasm between this dysfunctional group of females, spawning ‘minions’ to use at her disposal.  Like tiny sand crabs they scurry across the velvet carpets listening and plotting their next attack on each other, forever ending with a shoving match or Char yelling at an invisible person located somewhere above her forehead. Throw in a Playboy shoot, a sea of champagne and you’ve got entertainment for the whole family.

There’s something about non-competition reality programming that seems to have a lasting effect with fans.  There is a relationship that gets built between the characters and their fans, and it’s a relationship without repercussions.  You can be guilt-free when siding with a roommate because you aren’t going to catch a high heel in the eye for defying the minions.  You’re looking through the window and always come out scratch free.  Like most popular shows these characters are given the opportunity develop. Voting someone off every week never allows the shows to develop a storyline, a character arc that helps you relate.  Shows like Jersey Shore and Bad Girls Club stick with fans because they can check in with their people once a week and see what kind of shit they got themselves into now.

With that said, BGC is an escape.  It’s tough if you aren’t ready for it.  I had enough girlfriend time clocked with Oxygen that I knew what to expect, but if you were flipping through the channels looking for Meet The Press and landed on BGC then you’re in for a rough couple hours.  However, if you can look past the gloss and bright lights you might find yourself in that same spot on your couch, two hours later, thinking the same thing I am…  ’I need a shower.’

-B-Squatch

Straight Shittin on Thugs: “The First 48”


Everyday when I retreat back to my cave, sometime around 7pm; I club myself a goat and park in front of my favorite invention, the TV.  Once I’ve settled in my enormous chair of twigs and rocks, I pick up my remote and dial into my new favorite escape: The First 48.

For those of you who have yet to be overtaken by the mysteries of The First 48, the show follows teams of detectives all over the country during the first 48 hours of a murder investigation.  It’s a statistically proven point that if a significant lead is not uncovered during those first couple hours, the murder case generally goes unsolved.  Which sucks, especially when it’s on TV.  So you REALLY want these guys to solve the case for two reasons 1) catch the bad guy, get a killer off the street and 2) avoid feeling like a supermodel just blew in your ear, grabbed your junk and walked away.  LET’S GET EM!

"Shark related? No, I don't think so. Glock related? Yes, it appears it was."

The show is so real it’s scary, for real.  It makes ‘The Bachelor’ cry for it’s mommy.  We are blessed with unprecedented access to what happens once a murder is reported. We’re taken through forensics, search, interrogation and (fingers crossed) conviction.  Picture  ‘Cops’ but without the DUI’s, wife-beaters and 70 year old prostitutes.  Plus there’s an ending (usually) and you get to see the real work that goes on inside the police station. All from the comfort of your own home.  Or cave.

On The First 48 it’s homicide-time, all the time.  These camera men have no problem getting up close and personal with a dead body, something I will probably never understand and the detectives have more charisma then any cast member on ‘Big Brother 97’.  It’s real action and real emotions.  I heart it.

 

The Mother of Mind-Fuck: Sgt. Caroline Mason

Some of these detectives are the real deal.  Straight out of a mythical world of awesome crime-solvers, these live-action cartoons put thugs in jail for fun.  Equipped with top hats and cell phones from the ’90s, these sleuth’s solve crimes the old fashioned way, on the streets. My favorite person on the show is the glorious diva immortalized above: Sergeant Caroline Mason of the Memphis Police Department.  She’s my boo boo and she loves making criminals cry.  Her high-heels are modern day spurs and beneath her fur coat she’s got a glock and a six pack.  Before she goes out to collect her bad boys she curls her hair at her desk.  She’s superwoman.  However you haven’t seen shit until you’ve seen her interrogate a 29 year old gang-banger.  She’ll be your best friend, your mother and your reaper all within a span of 5 minutes.  She turns grown-ass men into poodles.  It’s an artform.  She’s the Picasso of Mind Fuck.  If she looked me in the eyes long enough I would just start confessing to crimes in shear terror that she was going to claw me with her 6 inch finger nails.

For real though, ya’lls should watch The First 48. It’s the realest reality show out there and it’s as compelling as it gets.  If you can watch five minutes and still change the channel then you’re missing something.  I’ve got a whole new appreciation for the men and women of law enforcement.  I’m not crazy about the ones who hand out jay-walking tickets, but the ones who use real problem solving to catch criminals are sweet in my book. So give it a shot because we KNOW we all need better programming.  And most importantly it’s Sasquatch approved.

-B-Squatch